Twenty years....

It has been 20 years since I graduated high school. 20. Wow. Just saying that makes me twitch.

So, I'm going to my reunion this year - I feel I must - I feel that I will regret it if I don't and I promised myself a long time ago no more regrets. But now that I have made the decision to go (without my 2 best friends since they aren't local) I feel like I should take a moment to reflect on my life so far.

What have I accomplished in 20 years? I have worked for Estee Lauder, I have managed retail stores, I have been a cocktail waitress, a bartender, I have touted the benefits of rebranding and name changes, of single stream recycling, of credit union membership, I am a wife and a mother. But what have I accomplished? I haven't made a difference in the world....I haven't cured a disease, invented something new, written a book, or, basically made a mark anywhere - is that true? Do I have to have done something that I am recognized for to feel that I have made a difference?

I am charity driven - I try to give back to my community and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be responsible with our natural resources and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to do unto others and will teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be my own person, stand up for what I believe and I will teach my daughters to do the same. Is this my difference? If I have done nothing else in 20 years but teach my children to be good, and kind, and generous, and responsible, is that my legacy? I will be happy if it is.

20 years is a long time. I think the years between 18 and 38 are the most changing/challenging years. You discover who you are, what you stand in, what you are going to become in your life. Most of us rent our first apartments, buy a house, our first car, get married, have children, get divorced, maybe sadly lose a parent or another loved one. These were life altering years.

I'm curious to see what everyone has become since June of 1991. In my head we are all frozen in time, we are all 18 again just starting out. I have no wrinkles or laugh lines, nothing sags, nothing is starting to ache, all the boys are still boys with all their hair and their bostrious laughter. 20 years are ahead of us and we are packing the Greenwich High School class of 1991 time capsule.

Until tomorrow....

Audra

I really like cake...

Every morning when I get to work I call my coworker who is also my friend, my Weight Watchers buddy, my lunch partner and so on. We check in - give each other an update on what our morning weigh in was and confirm our time for our 2 mile walk at lunch. Today I call, just like every morning, and when she answers I say "Good morning from a 139.5 lb person" (happy since the scale was down again this morning). She doesn't say anything. "What's wrong?" I ask, she says very matter of factly, "I really like cake".

Despite the name of my blog I am not going to spiral everyday into a sea of negativity - my mother would say that I am not being negative, but a realist instead. I don't really want to be viewed as a negative person - I certainly don't think of myself as a negative person. The exercise of this blog, for me, is to vent, is to take all these random thoughts that consume my time and quite literally put them somewhere.

Anyway, moving on now....

My friends' comment made me stop and think about my own morning moment on the scale - every morning, after I've bonded with my Wii Fit, I get up on that scale hoping to see a change for the better. If I don't, my day doesn't start well - if I do, well then it's going to be a great day! Why does the weight showing on my scale weighs in on my happiness? Why do I do this to myself every day? If I was to change my behavior and weigh myself at the end of the day would it be better? Would it be better to reflect on my actions and choices that I made that day then to let my day be consumed with guilt that I was awful the day before? No need to answer - just a rhetorical thought.....

Okay, so I am making a big deal out of a scale - I'm letting a number affect my day - how pathetic! Life is too short to judge myself so harshly. Instead, today, I am making a conscious decision to be grateful for the things I do have, and yes, I should even learn to be grateful for the few extra pounds I have too - (yeah right - I know I am not fooling anyone with that comment). But if I were "normal" and not obsessive, then yes maybe I could settle with a few extra pounds -

My 20 year high school reunion is fast approaching at the end of this month. My goal, which I assume is similar to everyone elses', is to quite frankly is to look amazing at it.  Well, of course I will settle for looking okay - but amazing would certainly be better. So for the next 30 days I am Wii'ing it and walking and walking and walking -

until tomorrow.....
Audra