I take two 2-miles walks each day in my never ending quest for the perfect me. The perfect me doesn't have to walk backwards to the bedroom after a shower, the perfect me can wear a really teeny bikini, the perfect me can wear stretch pants (if I had any desire to do so) in public, the perfect me does everything I do now, just perfectly....
Anyway, in the morning after I drop the kids at school, I drive thru Dunkin' Donuts, order my medium iced mocha cream 2 splendas and drive to work. I park, lace up my sneaks and go - I love this walk. This walk is quiet, isolating, this walk is my me time. For 20 minutes I have no cell phone and no company - it is the only 20 minutes in any 24 hour day I am not on call, no one is yelling "mommy", no telemarketer is tracking me down at work, no one is trying to sell me anything or ask me for a donation, it is total complete alone time. I will say during this time I do often think I could be kidnapped, run over, fall down an embankment only to be found days later, get mauled by a Mountain Lion, or perhaps a runaway cow. But still, I take my chances each day - the possibility of any of those things happening is slim and honestly those 20 minutes are very worth it.
I use that morning walk to unwind, destress from my morning of trying to get kids dressed and out of the house. Today as I walked alone up the hill behind my office, the early sun was peaking through the trees in that perfect way that casts an amazing balance of light and shadows. Looking up at it I was struck with a moment of pure serenity - a moment that happens rarely, a feeling of peace that I usually associate with sitting in the late day sun at the beach or when I got married and we took a few weeks and drove through the mountains of the midwest. It was a moment that could only be dampened by an attack of a Mountain Lion - not seriously of course, actually a speeding car, a barking dog and a 3 painters that were talking really loudly interrupted it - but I was grateful for that moment nonetheless.
My second walk of the day is at lunch time with my girlfriend and co-worker. For me this walk is a moment to walk away from my desk and spend 20 minutes chatting and laughing. Like all women we just gab about nothing, well not nothing but the usual daily dribble, our husbands, our kids, what we are doing that night etc....but it is a much welcome break from the day - This walk passes much to quickly and too soon we are seated back at our desks in front of the computer, next to the never ending ringing of the phone or the deadlines that are approaching to rapidly.
I am trying to cherish moments lately - all too often I wish away the minutes, the hours, the days and for what? Life is too short - time with friends and family is too short. In the end we only have the moment.
I long for quite moments. I long for laughter with my kids, endless hugs, snuggles and kisses. I long for cool breezes on summer nights, I long for cups of hot cocoa during the winter, and moments of pure serenity I can hold on to, remember, cherish and share.
Until tomorrow....
Audra
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