WOW! It has been awhile since I've written anything that isn't about Credit Unions, isn't a thank you card (which I am not very good at all about doing) or a grocery list....I am welcoming myself back to the wonderful world of blogging; and, if I'm lucky, you will welcome me back too - if not - oh well....I'm still gonna do my thing!
Since I went missing back in August, we have completed our kitchen (love it), my husband made it through an entire NFL season WITHOUT fantasy football, but nonetheless $600 poorer (thanks New England & Wes Walker), Jayden my 5 year old, started kindergarten and Brodie turned 2 (she'll tell you she is 4). Life is ok. No ranting necessary. I might need to change the title of this blog....
Okay, so I am not changing the title -- end of discussion. If you know me, you know I ALWAYS have something to rant about. I am a "wanna be" New York Jewish martyr - we always have something to bitch about. FYI - I say "wanna be" with the utmost respect. My mother is a New York Jewish martyr - non practicing, has never practiced and in fact was raised Methodist (or Protestant) - but her heritage is Jewish and she is a New Yorker - so close enough for these purposes.....
Funny story on a not so funny topic. When I was pregnant with Jayden my husband and I were told we were both carriers of the gene that could cause our child to have Tay-Sachs, a horrible disease. A child can only get Tay-Sachs by inheriting it. The genetic trait is relatively common among certain ethnic groups, such as Ashkenazi Jews. When I told my mother this she said, and I quote "But we don't even celebrate." She meant Jewish holidays; and I will take this moment to say I think she was shell shocked that we were carriers and she is NOT a dumb woman.
By the way, if you read this and run into my mother, mums the word that I just described her that way and used that example. Anyway (sigh)....moving on now....
Maybe I should change this blog to "Funny Stories from a Ridiculous Family" - I do have many and my family can easily be label ridiculous....
So you wanna hear one more?
During remodeling (which has been a two year process), my husband was up in the attic while I was at work relaying insulation -before I finish the story, please put anything you are drinking down....
Did you put it down? Are you ready for this one?
He calls me and says,"I found a bunch of s&*t in the attic do you want it?"
Me: "What kind of s*%t?"
Him: "Some Christmas ornaments, a box of other decorations and a painting."
Me: A painting? hmmmmm....."what kind of painting?"
Him: "I don't know it is a painting of some dude with a bunch of guys"
Me: A dude with a bunch of guys????? So I ask, "Are they at a long table with food on it?"
Him: "Yes"
Me: "Are you serious? That is the Last Supper." thump (that was me falling off my chair when I realized I married a man with no clue)
Seriously, who besides my husband does not know that painting? Even if you are not religious at all you should know that painting.
And that my friends, is all for now.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, August 15, 2011
Fantasy Football revisited.....
1,696 active players. 32 teams. 16 weeks of regular season. 4 weeks of preseason. Yes, this is football.
So, if you read my previous blog Fantasy Football and others reason to be annoyed you know how I feel about this season and fantasy football in general.
Before I continue I want to let you know that my first daughter was a scheduled c-section during preseason on Wednesday August 30, 2006. My second daughter was also a scheduled c-section during regular season Wednesday, November 30, 2009. If you know football you know games are not on Wednesday nights. Thank god. I was in the hospital 5 days with both girls. Milford Hospital did not televise night games. Jason stayed home on football nights to watch them.
Anyway, my point is this. We have now been raising our 2 girls during football season for 5 years. 5 years of leaving my husband alone on Sundays. 5 years of Monday night football, Sunday night games, betting accounts and fantasy football. 5 years of running yard stats, passing yard stats, touch downs, interceptions and more. You name it there's a stat on it, and Jason knows it. Unfortunately I usually know them too since he is constantly filling me in on the details. He does this about wiring too - I could care less about either topic.
This year during the season, Jason is renovating our kitchen. This will be the first time in 10 years that he will not be participating in fantasy. WHAT! SERIOUSLY!!! Yes, you heard it here first. I will repeat it for those who know Jason and have either fallen down, are refreshing this page frantically thinking they received it in error, or are reaching for a paper bag to catch their breathe.
HE IS NOT PLAYING FANTASY FOOTBALL THIS YEAR.
Why?
Simply put, he just has too much going on. (those, my friends, are his exact words)
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that he isn't doing it. But I have a nagging feeling somehow this will bite me. I have a suspicion in a few weeks when things settle down, this will be turned against me -
I actually feel bad that is he choosing to remain on the sidelines this year. I feel like he will become a kid with his nose pressed against the glass looking in at the party that he wished he was invited to. This is his hobby. Yes it is time consuming. Yes he focuses way to much on it - almost to the point of obsession. But who am I to judge obsessions? I have many.
I just read him a draft of this - I thought I would give him a heads up that I am writing about him. He has a thing about me talking about him to strangers, or really anyone at all about him. His response. "People actually read this dribble?" Yes, they do.
Until tomorrow.....
Audra
P.S. He wanted me to include the fact that I am writing this and he has NOT been fed yet.
So, if you read my previous blog Fantasy Football and others reason to be annoyed you know how I feel about this season and fantasy football in general.
Before I continue I want to let you know that my first daughter was a scheduled c-section during preseason on Wednesday August 30, 2006. My second daughter was also a scheduled c-section during regular season Wednesday, November 30, 2009. If you know football you know games are not on Wednesday nights. Thank god. I was in the hospital 5 days with both girls. Milford Hospital did not televise night games. Jason stayed home on football nights to watch them.
Anyway, my point is this. We have now been raising our 2 girls during football season for 5 years. 5 years of leaving my husband alone on Sundays. 5 years of Monday night football, Sunday night games, betting accounts and fantasy football. 5 years of running yard stats, passing yard stats, touch downs, interceptions and more. You name it there's a stat on it, and Jason knows it. Unfortunately I usually know them too since he is constantly filling me in on the details. He does this about wiring too - I could care less about either topic.
This year during the season, Jason is renovating our kitchen. This will be the first time in 10 years that he will not be participating in fantasy. WHAT! SERIOUSLY!!! Yes, you heard it here first. I will repeat it for those who know Jason and have either fallen down, are refreshing this page frantically thinking they received it in error, or are reaching for a paper bag to catch their breathe.
HE IS NOT PLAYING FANTASY FOOTBALL THIS YEAR.
Why?
Simply put, he just has too much going on. (those, my friends, are his exact words)
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that he isn't doing it. But I have a nagging feeling somehow this will bite me. I have a suspicion in a few weeks when things settle down, this will be turned against me -
I actually feel bad that is he choosing to remain on the sidelines this year. I feel like he will become a kid with his nose pressed against the glass looking in at the party that he wished he was invited to. This is his hobby. Yes it is time consuming. Yes he focuses way to much on it - almost to the point of obsession. But who am I to judge obsessions? I have many.
I just read him a draft of this - I thought I would give him a heads up that I am writing about him. He has a thing about me talking about him to strangers, or really anyone at all about him. His response. "People actually read this dribble?" Yes, they do.
Until tomorrow.....
Audra
P.S. He wanted me to include the fact that I am writing this and he has NOT been fed yet.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
So now what....
Next week I will be sitting on Ellen's couch. We will be laughing about the stories I am sharing with her about the days when I had a "real job". We'll talk about where I pull my daily inspirations from, my background, my family, where I grew etc. She might even surprise me with a visit from Kid Rock!
Okay, so this obviously isn't really happening - but I can see it now.
It has been almost 2 weeks since I started this blog and in my head it has taken on its own life. It is powerful. I have a huge following. I have branched into a stand up routine and promotional items. Megaphones, pill boxes and more. I endorse many pharmaceutical items including (but not limited to) Zoloft, Xanax, Lexapro and other medications to keep me and others like me sane. I have a website. I have a brand. I have a logo.
Seriously, now what? Can I run with this? Can I make it into something that I could do full time? I am an extremist. It is all or nothing for me and has been my whole life. There has never been a halfway point for me - there is no middle ground. So right now I am in the midst of typing away frantically (otherwise it would be considered half ass and that isn't me). For 2 weeks I have been writing. I find it very therapeutic. It is nice that people are reading it, sharing it - but I would enjoy doing it regardless.
I tend to become obsessive with new things - I am full speed ahead, no holds barred, for 2 weeks, maybe a month and then it happens.I stop. It just ends - one day I wake up and just stop doing that thing, whatever it may have been.
I need there to be a goal, a purpose, a point where I can say "okay I did it". I like stressful goals that seem overwhelming. I like stress I think. I seem to search it out, create it. I like to take on several things at once, my timing is always bad. I am usually in the middle of one project and starting another at the same time. I always have an errand that needs to be done, a return to be made. It is never ending and, as I said before, I think self initiated. It gives me something to rant about and you, if you choose, something to read about.
Until tomorrow...
Audra
Okay, so this obviously isn't really happening - but I can see it now.
It has been almost 2 weeks since I started this blog and in my head it has taken on its own life. It is powerful. I have a huge following. I have branched into a stand up routine and promotional items. Megaphones, pill boxes and more. I endorse many pharmaceutical items including (but not limited to) Zoloft, Xanax, Lexapro and other medications to keep me and others like me sane. I have a website. I have a brand. I have a logo.
Seriously, now what? Can I run with this? Can I make it into something that I could do full time? I am an extremist. It is all or nothing for me and has been my whole life. There has never been a halfway point for me - there is no middle ground. So right now I am in the midst of typing away frantically (otherwise it would be considered half ass and that isn't me). For 2 weeks I have been writing. I find it very therapeutic. It is nice that people are reading it, sharing it - but I would enjoy doing it regardless.
I tend to become obsessive with new things - I am full speed ahead, no holds barred, for 2 weeks, maybe a month and then it happens.I stop. It just ends - one day I wake up and just stop doing that thing, whatever it may have been.
I need there to be a goal, a purpose, a point where I can say "okay I did it". I like stressful goals that seem overwhelming. I like stress I think. I seem to search it out, create it. I like to take on several things at once, my timing is always bad. I am usually in the middle of one project and starting another at the same time. I always have an errand that needs to be done, a return to be made. It is never ending and, as I said before, I think self initiated. It gives me something to rant about and you, if you choose, something to read about.
Until tomorrow...
Audra
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The language of children....
Last night my 20 month old daughter Brodie said "I love you mommy" for the first time. Of course it did not sound as clear as that but I knew what she said nonetheless. After she said it she clapped for herself and said "yeaaaaah". She is very cute.
Last night my almost 5 year old daughter Jayden said "get out of my room, I need my alone time". That wasn't the first time she said that, nor will it be the last, and unfortunately, it was as clear as that. She did not clap for herself. She did not say yeah. She is also very cute, especially when she is sleeping.
Sidebar: Imagine if I said "get out of my room, I need my alone time". LOL, yeah right - I'm sure everyone would clear the room and let me have a few minutes to myself. Maybe even bring me a coffee.
It is amazing to me the process of learning language. You want your children to be cute and adorable and say cute and adorable things. As a parent, and I think most will agree, those first few years when they are learning to talk, their pronunciation is off, their tenses are off and quite honestly we like it - we laugh at it - we call our friends and relatives and share about the funny things that were said, how they were said, why they were said. We love these moments, cherish them, better organized people than me write about them in a journal.
Life goes on, children get older, we teach them to speak properly, we teach them to reason, we teach them to express themselves, we teach them to argue....and, we wish for silence. When the constant noise, endless chatter stops, I miss it.
It is 10 pm. Jayden has just fallen asleep. Have a good night,
Audra
Last night my almost 5 year old daughter Jayden said "get out of my room, I need my alone time". That wasn't the first time she said that, nor will it be the last, and unfortunately, it was as clear as that. She did not clap for herself. She did not say yeah. She is also very cute, especially when she is sleeping.
Sidebar: Imagine if I said "get out of my room, I need my alone time". LOL, yeah right - I'm sure everyone would clear the room and let me have a few minutes to myself. Maybe even bring me a coffee.
It is amazing to me the process of learning language. You want your children to be cute and adorable and say cute and adorable things. As a parent, and I think most will agree, those first few years when they are learning to talk, their pronunciation is off, their tenses are off and quite honestly we like it - we laugh at it - we call our friends and relatives and share about the funny things that were said, how they were said, why they were said. We love these moments, cherish them, better organized people than me write about them in a journal.
Life goes on, children get older, we teach them to speak properly, we teach them to reason, we teach them to express themselves, we teach them to argue....and, we wish for silence. When the constant noise, endless chatter stops, I miss it.
It is 10 pm. Jayden has just fallen asleep. Have a good night,
Audra
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Twenty years....
It has been 20 years since I graduated high school. 20. Wow. Just saying that makes me twitch.
So, I'm going to my reunion this year - I feel I must - I feel that I will regret it if I don't and I promised myself a long time ago no more regrets. But now that I have made the decision to go (without my 2 best friends since they aren't local) I feel like I should take a moment to reflect on my life so far.
What have I accomplished in 20 years? I have worked for Estee Lauder, I have managed retail stores, I have been a cocktail waitress, a bartender, I have touted the benefits of rebranding and name changes, of single stream recycling, of credit union membership, I am a wife and a mother. But what have I accomplished? I haven't made a difference in the world....I haven't cured a disease, invented something new, written a book, or, basically made a mark anywhere - is that true? Do I have to have done something that I am recognized for to feel that I have made a difference?
I am charity driven - I try to give back to my community and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be responsible with our natural resources and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to do unto others and will teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be my own person, stand up for what I believe and I will teach my daughters to do the same. Is this my difference? If I have done nothing else in 20 years but teach my children to be good, and kind, and generous, and responsible, is that my legacy? I will be happy if it is.
20 years is a long time. I think the years between 18 and 38 are the most changing/challenging years. You discover who you are, what you stand in, what you are going to become in your life. Most of us rent our first apartments, buy a house, our first car, get married, have children, get divorced, maybe sadly lose a parent or another loved one. These were life altering years.
I'm curious to see what everyone has become since June of 1991. In my head we are all frozen in time, we are all 18 again just starting out. I have no wrinkles or laugh lines, nothing sags, nothing is starting to ache, all the boys are still boys with all their hair and their bostrious laughter. 20 years are ahead of us and we are packing the Greenwich High School class of 1991 time capsule.
Until tomorrow....
Audra
So, I'm going to my reunion this year - I feel I must - I feel that I will regret it if I don't and I promised myself a long time ago no more regrets. But now that I have made the decision to go (without my 2 best friends since they aren't local) I feel like I should take a moment to reflect on my life so far.
What have I accomplished in 20 years? I have worked for Estee Lauder, I have managed retail stores, I have been a cocktail waitress, a bartender, I have touted the benefits of rebranding and name changes, of single stream recycling, of credit union membership, I am a wife and a mother. But what have I accomplished? I haven't made a difference in the world....I haven't cured a disease, invented something new, written a book, or, basically made a mark anywhere - is that true? Do I have to have done something that I am recognized for to feel that I have made a difference?
I am charity driven - I try to give back to my community and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be responsible with our natural resources and teach my daughters to do the same. I try to do unto others and will teach my daughters to do the same. I try to be my own person, stand up for what I believe and I will teach my daughters to do the same. Is this my difference? If I have done nothing else in 20 years but teach my children to be good, and kind, and generous, and responsible, is that my legacy? I will be happy if it is.
20 years is a long time. I think the years between 18 and 38 are the most changing/challenging years. You discover who you are, what you stand in, what you are going to become in your life. Most of us rent our first apartments, buy a house, our first car, get married, have children, get divorced, maybe sadly lose a parent or another loved one. These were life altering years.
I'm curious to see what everyone has become since June of 1991. In my head we are all frozen in time, we are all 18 again just starting out. I have no wrinkles or laugh lines, nothing sags, nothing is starting to ache, all the boys are still boys with all their hair and their bostrious laughter. 20 years are ahead of us and we are packing the Greenwich High School class of 1991 time capsule.
Until tomorrow....
Audra
Monday, August 8, 2011
Pure Amazement....
Okay, if you know me at all you know I love a good husband bashing. During these rants I am not really anti my husband but more letting off steam, unleashing frustration with a little humor at the expense of my husband.
I will say this once and only once (maybe). I do tend to repeat myself, and since a few years ago when my husband informed me that he only retains 30% of what I say, I tend to repeat myself at least 3 times with the hopes of someone hearing me.
My husband, Jason, is AMAZING! Yes I said that out loud.
And not in a room alone.
And not with my slightly nasally, New York accented voice laden with sarcasm. I make that comment to you dear reader with the utmost sincerity.
So what did my husband no to deserve this praise? He completely demolished our kitchen himself. In one weekend. With no complaints. "None?" you ask. None. Not a word, not a yell, not an aggravated tone. Nothing. Rien. Nada. Zilch. Zero. A good start to our in-house remodeling efforts I'd say.
He has a game plan. Electrical tonight, insulation this week, sheet rocking next weekend and so on. Hopefully, in 3 or 4 weekends we'll have a brand spanking new kitchen!
Can I order take out to celebrate?
Audra
I will say this once and only once (maybe). I do tend to repeat myself, and since a few years ago when my husband informed me that he only retains 30% of what I say, I tend to repeat myself at least 3 times with the hopes of someone hearing me.
My husband, Jason, is AMAZING! Yes I said that out loud.
And not in a room alone.
And not with my slightly nasally, New York accented voice laden with sarcasm. I make that comment to you dear reader with the utmost sincerity.
So what did my husband no to deserve this praise? He completely demolished our kitchen himself. In one weekend. With no complaints. "None?" you ask. None. Not a word, not a yell, not an aggravated tone. Nothing. Rien. Nada. Zilch. Zero. A good start to our in-house remodeling efforts I'd say.
He has a game plan. Electrical tonight, insulation this week, sheet rocking next weekend and so on. Hopefully, in 3 or 4 weekends we'll have a brand spanking new kitchen!
Can I order take out to celebrate?
Audra
Friday, August 5, 2011
Moments of serenity and other things I long for......
I take two 2-miles walks each day in my never ending quest for the perfect me. The perfect me doesn't have to walk backwards to the bedroom after a shower, the perfect me can wear a really teeny bikini, the perfect me can wear stretch pants (if I had any desire to do so) in public, the perfect me does everything I do now, just perfectly....
Anyway, in the morning after I drop the kids at school, I drive thru Dunkin' Donuts, order my medium iced mocha cream 2 splendas and drive to work. I park, lace up my sneaks and go - I love this walk. This walk is quiet, isolating, this walk is my me time. For 20 minutes I have no cell phone and no company - it is the only 20 minutes in any 24 hour day I am not on call, no one is yelling "mommy", no telemarketer is tracking me down at work, no one is trying to sell me anything or ask me for a donation, it is total complete alone time. I will say during this time I do often think I could be kidnapped, run over, fall down an embankment only to be found days later, get mauled by a Mountain Lion, or perhaps a runaway cow. But still, I take my chances each day - the possibility of any of those things happening is slim and honestly those 20 minutes are very worth it.
I use that morning walk to unwind, destress from my morning of trying to get kids dressed and out of the house. Today as I walked alone up the hill behind my office, the early sun was peaking through the trees in that perfect way that casts an amazing balance of light and shadows. Looking up at it I was struck with a moment of pure serenity - a moment that happens rarely, a feeling of peace that I usually associate with sitting in the late day sun at the beach or when I got married and we took a few weeks and drove through the mountains of the midwest. It was a moment that could only be dampened by an attack of a Mountain Lion - not seriously of course, actually a speeding car, a barking dog and a 3 painters that were talking really loudly interrupted it - but I was grateful for that moment nonetheless.
My second walk of the day is at lunch time with my girlfriend and co-worker. For me this walk is a moment to walk away from my desk and spend 20 minutes chatting and laughing. Like all women we just gab about nothing, well not nothing but the usual daily dribble, our husbands, our kids, what we are doing that night etc....but it is a much welcome break from the day - This walk passes much to quickly and too soon we are seated back at our desks in front of the computer, next to the never ending ringing of the phone or the deadlines that are approaching to rapidly.
I am trying to cherish moments lately - all too often I wish away the minutes, the hours, the days and for what? Life is too short - time with friends and family is too short. In the end we only have the moment.
I long for quite moments. I long for laughter with my kids, endless hugs, snuggles and kisses. I long for cool breezes on summer nights, I long for cups of hot cocoa during the winter, and moments of pure serenity I can hold on to, remember, cherish and share.
Until tomorrow....
Audra
Anyway, in the morning after I drop the kids at school, I drive thru Dunkin' Donuts, order my medium iced mocha cream 2 splendas and drive to work. I park, lace up my sneaks and go - I love this walk. This walk is quiet, isolating, this walk is my me time. For 20 minutes I have no cell phone and no company - it is the only 20 minutes in any 24 hour day I am not on call, no one is yelling "mommy", no telemarketer is tracking me down at work, no one is trying to sell me anything or ask me for a donation, it is total complete alone time. I will say during this time I do often think I could be kidnapped, run over, fall down an embankment only to be found days later, get mauled by a Mountain Lion, or perhaps a runaway cow. But still, I take my chances each day - the possibility of any of those things happening is slim and honestly those 20 minutes are very worth it.
I use that morning walk to unwind, destress from my morning of trying to get kids dressed and out of the house. Today as I walked alone up the hill behind my office, the early sun was peaking through the trees in that perfect way that casts an amazing balance of light and shadows. Looking up at it I was struck with a moment of pure serenity - a moment that happens rarely, a feeling of peace that I usually associate with sitting in the late day sun at the beach or when I got married and we took a few weeks and drove through the mountains of the midwest. It was a moment that could only be dampened by an attack of a Mountain Lion - not seriously of course, actually a speeding car, a barking dog and a 3 painters that were talking really loudly interrupted it - but I was grateful for that moment nonetheless.
My second walk of the day is at lunch time with my girlfriend and co-worker. For me this walk is a moment to walk away from my desk and spend 20 minutes chatting and laughing. Like all women we just gab about nothing, well not nothing but the usual daily dribble, our husbands, our kids, what we are doing that night etc....but it is a much welcome break from the day - This walk passes much to quickly and too soon we are seated back at our desks in front of the computer, next to the never ending ringing of the phone or the deadlines that are approaching to rapidly.
I am trying to cherish moments lately - all too often I wish away the minutes, the hours, the days and for what? Life is too short - time with friends and family is too short. In the end we only have the moment.
I long for quite moments. I long for laughter with my kids, endless hugs, snuggles and kisses. I long for cool breezes on summer nights, I long for cups of hot cocoa during the winter, and moments of pure serenity I can hold on to, remember, cherish and share.
Until tomorrow....
Audra
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